Fun

WAGNER-MANIA

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Tom Culshaw
Written by Tom Culshaw

 

When someone asks you to ‘organize a local team football do’, the pressure is on to make it memorable. Other than lager, sausage roll’s and strippers, what else does a pub full of your average men look for in a night out. Well my friends, the answer is ‘Wagnermania’.

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You may remember ‘Wagner’ (who is now a close friend of mine, we have each other on Facebook you see) off X Factor. It was a travesty that the man did not win, such charisma, such passion. We thought, just how wonderful it would be to blag the legend himself to our local pub to sing for the lads. Therefore my business associate ‘Ben-Jamin Jorgenstein’ and I embarked on what would be the most life changing journey of organisation. I genuinely mention the following in job interviews.

Benjamin is an avid follower of ‘the stars’ and has followed Wagner throughout his post X factor journey. He managed to find me Wagner’s’ contact details, and we booked him from there. To cover cost, we had to have a whip round from the teams. Now, trying to prize money from a brick layer under the pretence of a mystery guest is a mammoth task in itself, and for a while the dream of ‘Wagner-mania’ seemed unrealistic.

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Somehow, against all odds the day of Wagner arrived, and me and Benjamin met him at the plush B&B we’d booked him at in Shaw (with breakfast, only to find out he’d later refused to stay there) to discuss details and to make sure he actually came. Sitting on the end of Wagner’s bed, wondering what i was doing in this situation, i explained the itinerary. Only to be interrupted abruptly to be offered a cashew nut; this particular moment set the precedent for the whole evening. Wagner was a legend.

We set up the 12ft by 15 ft ‘disco’ area with Brazilian flags, strobe lights and a red carpet. We asked the three elderly gentleman holding the bar up to assist with a sound check, only to see them leave. Fancy dress was recommended to all which saw a cliché’ Scotsman sporting a Kilt, the Sheikh, a magician and a Charlie Chaplin look-alike cross the threshold. 45 wigs and Moustache’s were purchased for the rest of the capacity crowd, and vodka (hidden in handbags) was flowing at a considerable rate.

With the magician as MC, & the crowd well and truly warmed up, the Sheikh chaperoned Wagner through the mass crowd of ‘Wagner is our leader’ chants. He looked like a returning War Hero, proud yet bewildered. To say he was shocked is an understatement. We quickly ushered him to the front in fear he would run away, and the show began.The pub landlord was ever so excited, claiming he hadn’t been as star struck since he met the chuckle brothers in 1999.

After an un-interpretable opening speech, Wagner then sang ‘La Bamba’, ‘No satisfaction’, then one that we didn’t know so we put ‘La Bamba’ back on. A performance of ‘oops up side your head’ then followed, though Wagner was unsure he’d be able to get back up should he join in. After an intense meet and greet, the finale beckoned. ‘You got the love’, acapella with the magician and the sheikh, with an incorporated beat box. (video attached).
The crowd went wild, no one was arrested, and it was clear to see that Wagner was a star re-born.  With what was surely the pinnacle (I presume) of his career, I can only imagine Wagner has since been inundated with ‘pubs and clubs’ request in recent months.

Wags, it was a pleasure my friend.
Great success.

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